What are the chances of getting back with the ex? (Download)

By Michael Knight

Tuesday 10 March 2009

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After being around the Separation/Divorce racket for a bit, you tend to see some peculiar anomalies, such as people getting back with their ex.

Did you ever think that you would ever want to see your ex again?

You might not think so at the time because there maybe be much hurt and pain from the loss, causing anger and all sorts of emotions. However, if you can keep that under check, you may well be preserving an opportunity to resume a relationship on possibly a new and mature level down the track — perhaps one of friendship only, or it may even lead to intimacy. Who ever really knows?

Mind you, it's not all that common but it does happen. Especially if the chemistry and love for each other is still there. Sometimes it can be a new desire for companionship, simply rebuilding on the good things and common interests you both used to share. Or it might just be a fresh new start. Other practicalities such as having children together and whether you both got on well with each other's extended family is also in the mix. Yes and money's even in there too, so don't go blowing it on lawyers and the like, wasting your hard earned money. Just let things settle for awhile.

So after some time after the breakup, and this can be months but usually many years, you may just be privy to a feeling or two for your ex. Then possibly a coffee together, a laugh and chuckle and an outing here and there and before you know it, the old flame has rekindled.

If it's meant to be, it will happen, however in the meantime is there a magic formula you ask?

Well it depends on a few things but some of the key ingredients you will need are a reasonable level of maturity, good communication skills and ability to be open and honest, and to be able to forgive and let go of the past. Matching personalities, your ages, closeness in your prior relationship and whether the breakup was done with care and mutual respect, no matter what the reason was for separating. Yes, and especially if there is no other person on the scene. So if the breakup didn't cause too much pain, there is always a chance.

A reconciliation can happen however it's usually conditional upon there being no bad blood incurred, heavy losses or litigation after a separation. But hey, everybody's different.

If all you both needed was some time apart, and there's a sign of true love between the two of you, some good common sense maybe all you need to both hook up again.

Here are a few of the No No's to avoid at breakup:

  • Don't leave your partner for someone else;
  • Don't hook up with someone at least for some time;
  • Allow plenty of time for the shock and grief to be dealt with;
  • Keep the lines of communication open and be civil to each other;
  • Don't shirk your responsibilities altogether in relation to the children; and
  • Certainly don't bring the lawyers and legal process into it, hammering each other like there's no tomorrow.

Take care with love, peace and kindness

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    By: vincent simeonoff from alaska, united states on June 15, 2012 @ 2:03 pm
    My wife seperated from me after 10 years together, married for three of the 10. We have a two year old.
    She says i have issues to work through before we can think about reconciling. What are the odds?
    By: Melissa from WA, Aust on April 8, 2010 @ 6:18 am
    Yes my sentiments exactly Karen. My ex had an affair with his boss for over 2 years without me knowing. How dumb was I. It mad me angry for some time and many sessions in counselling. We do 50/50 with our kids but there's no chance of us getting back together, even though my ex and his boss have broken up now. Irony is sweet but id doesn't much help the the kids and I now though. Possibly because of the betrayal and dishonesty it would never work. Besides after 4 years I'm now just starting to see someone new who seems open and honest. The lesson I learnt is not to judge everybody from your past experiences else you will be lonely for a very long time.
    By: karen from VIC, australia on March 9, 2009 @ 2:58 pm
    in my case, you have got to be joking!
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