The Hurdles of Separation and Divorce (Download)

By Michael Knight

Wednesday 2 December 2009

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And they're racing...

Like many sports an element of risk and danger is always present.

Horses jumping hurdles to win a race can be dangerous to both a horse and jockey's health (and some may say to a punter's health), just as it can be to your health when jumping or avoiding the hurdles often found throughout the Separation and Divorce process.

So what are some of the hurdles?

1. One parent fails to communicate at the end of the relationship, be civil and reach some form of an ongoing agreement.

2. One parent trots off to see a lawyer, usually the parent who initiated the split

3. This parent is usually coerced by a lawyer to head straight for court, now becoming the Applicant

4. The other parent (Respondent) has really no choice but to go to Court if wanting to protect his/her interests, children and financial, or risk some judicial officer giving the Applicant everything they ask for. If the process is fair the court must be satisfied you have been properly served, usually by a process server, and are aware of the court date.

5. The Applicant or initiator may seek some form of restraining order against the other parent to guard themselves. This can be out of a genuine need for protection, however it is often used as a psychological and legal weapon to better advance their position against the other parent.

6. Both parents usually get some form of legal representation in the interim, and if both parents can resolve their issues fairly benefiting all, the process need not go any further. However, emotions are usually ignited, personalities often raise their ugly heads and principles of fairness and justice often pop up, decreasing the likelihood of any speedy resolution.

7. Now both parents have to deal with their own emotions and psychological state, often no communication with the other parent, lawyers that charge like wounded bulls who really have no reason to resolve the matter early when there are plenty of finances and assets to draw from. So all in all the battle is on, for how long who knows but usually until one parent cracks under the pressure, submits to the demands of the more powerful parent/legal team, the finances run out leaving you destitute, or one parent becomes a Self Litigant defending the onslaught to his or her family.

8. Plus after the legal mess is finalised, your quality time with your children has been wasted, your ability to return to work has been diminished and your psychological health is on the rocks for many years to come.

So running the race of Separation jumping hurdle after hurdle will most likely cause you to fall at some stage so don't be too surprised when it happens.

On a positive note avoid all the hurdles by keeping the communication open and civil between you both exhibiting some respect and maturity, and avoid the involvement of lawyers, until the end when paperwork needs to be tied up.

By the way, the above are just a few of the common ones, however here's hoping you get the picture.

With love, kindness and peace
Michael