Why do people leave? (Download)
Sunday 28 August 2011
Article: 4,475 chars
Why people leave a relationship is often the ten million dollar question, and as much as you may wonder or are dying to know, you will almost certainly never get an answer, or if you do, chances are it will not be the whole truth anyway.
As for the real reasons why people leave, these are countless for both genders and often never disclosed. The reasons whether given or not, can generally indicate a lack of maturity or pain deep down they bear not visit. Part of this immaturity can be a failure to respect, consider or understand the needs and impact upon others.
Some may choose to perceive they are leaving to benefit the other person and whilst admirable, is misguided if done the wrong way. However, deep down, human nature mostly dictates we do things for our own reasons first, which we can then justify to ourselves and others, if need arise, how our leaving will better serve the other/s. That's if you're lucky to even be considered, as there are those who just don't give a damn. Knowing the right way can present a challenge for us all, assuming one cares.
As for specific reasons that come out of a person's mouth like "you never gave me what I needed" or "you always came home late" or "you never took me out" are often superficial. However, some more general themes may include where a person can't fully express or articulate why they are leaving truthfully while others aren't fully aware why they are leaving and what's actually gone wrong.
With some more calculating types, in their eyes you just passed your use by date. In other words they don't need you for anything anymore. You're dispensable. Your concerns, thoughts, feelings or what you like don't come into it. It was most likely always this way but you were just too naive, good natured, loving and caring to ever see or know about this predatorial and emotionally detached type of person. And if you had been warned, you were possibly not ready to listen, it wasn't that important or thought you could handle it. Most people don't realise the full gravity and the effects of personality types until they experience and learn about them. Notwithstanding it maybe too late to turn the clock back, this knowledge however can give you time to prepare and adjust with your partner or get out completely seeking a more compatible companion. Your time and health is valuable and worth far more than any abuse could ever be.
Some more reasons or lack thereof can be driven by anger(passive or suppressed), possibly wanting to torment the other as payback for all the perceived ills they have received from throughout the relationship or life in general. A good many suffer from guilt and embarrassment, not wanting to be shown up as the bad person or the one that maybe in the wrong. Image to these types of people is often very important. Others don't want to give a tactical advantage to their Ex, perhaps for children, financial, new life or relationship reasons.
It's all a mixed bag of lollies really.
Some may want a 'clean break' having done their so called time, due diligence, learning or penance, in relation to discharging their partner and parental obligations and other responsibilities. Many simply prefer to not reveal their true self and motives, which may come as no surprise if they were never fully connected to you in the first place, but still giving you a huge shock degrading any value and meaning to the time you once shared together.
The mind is a complicated creature and whilst there are a few common themes, it's almost impossible to cover them all and if so, you could fill a book.
Finally, the non disclosure of down to earth honest reasons at the end of a relationship is a sad and unfortunate one as it can highlight a lack of personal insight and respect to each other, especially after a long term relationship. If the truth can be elicited, for better or worse and regardless of the short term shock or hurt(what's a bit more), this can be more favourable to some long term unknowing and unrest from always wondering, if you are that type of person.
As part of closure for you both it would be ideal and beneficial if you were both able to discuss the reasons for leaving honestly, but alas if this complete openness, transparency and connectedness was never achieved during the relationship, its possibly a far cry for it to ever happen now. So it's goodbye without really being a Good Bye!
For a wonderful website to express and view comments of gratitude visit: www.IamSoGrateful.org
Alternatively, contribute your experience and knowledge by leaving a comment below or send your story in to be published.
What you say may just help another so go ahead share, and let us all be enlightened together