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What does one do when they have a few specific, immediate family members not giving them enough of the right support, compassion, understanding they need in stressful, life changing circumstances & in detiorating, poorer health sitation too.

Where one is also grieving, anxious, upset, sometimes internal anger/frustration, with anxiety & adjustment dis-orders, depression & other { physical } health problems. All health problems are affecting each other. { mental, pyschological, emotional, physical etc & this affects the spirit too } from the consequences of their partner desserting/separating from them & legal action taken by their x partner. Breaking sacred vows, divine~spiritual laws etc very wrong to do, especially for petty reasons, just because he wasn't happy enough, says he no longer loves me, too weak to bother working through any marriage problems, too weak to uphold the sacred vows he made to me & God/Spiritually etc in front of family & friends/higher witnesses. Please don't think I am a religious type of person, no I am not but a truly spiritually oriented above religious constraints, beliefs, conditions etc.

It has been over 17 months since marriage separation began. And I am unable to move on fully or at all, still heart broken, in anguish & many other adversities, struggles to cope with the changes, upset, grief, loss of not having a life partner to live & share with anymore & this includes with my cherished puppy ~ child too who lives with me { I have legal custody of her & in that higher ways she is rightfully my child. Who I love, look after & x doesn't nor does he care, as he never shows any concern for her well being & has nothing to do with her { only child }. And with my x separating; this taking its tole in bringing myself adverse distressing, practical, health, financial, legal & life circumstances, consequences.

I am seeking regular professional counselling & have supportive parents, but not enough of the right support, compassion & understanding from other immediate family members. And they ought to be giving more in this afterall they are suppose to be closer/caring family & this is what families are often about, suppose to be helping each other.
I am supportive of them when they are distressed & have various difficult life situations, health problems etc. Yet they don't seem to recipricate properly or at all most of the time. Which is wrong & selfish on their parts. So the saying I often read or hear about ie 'you get what you give out is not always true'

I have more support from a few select caring & more understanding friends, counselling services/counsellors etc, others than I am receiving from specific family members referring to.

So should I approach these family members { my sister & her family } who aren't supportive enough nor in the right ways. Or request my parents to approach them in these matters. If so how should I/my parents approach them, it is touchy subject for them. As the family members referring to, don't seem to understand to full extent what I am going through & seem to want to keep friendship with my x partner who desserted me & has also wronged in his legal actions & other areas; financially included, since he separated from me. Which family members referring to don't acknowledge at all.
They seem de-sensitised, ignorant or evasive about it at times too, which of course is not acceptable attitude & is wrong too.

Or what could I do/try to get through this or help with this problem & further upset from it. I will be consuling with my new counsellor next week about it. { New counselling service } & also consuling with my pyschologist about this also.

My sister went through separation/divorce years ago during a time my partner & myself were engaged & early in our marriage. But my sister chose to leave her first husband back then, & we were all younger adults then. She chose to separate from him only after a few years of marriage. So it was a lot easier for her to move on, re-adjust mentally, emotionally, physically, financially etc.

And of course a lot less loss in these, tangible, non-tangible ways, areas etc when couples have only been married for a few years like my sister & her first husband were only married a short time. { she remarried years ago } not 18.5 years as in case for myself/x partner { & together as couple for around 21.5 years before/during marriage }.

Which results/brings a lot more endless loss, trauma, grief & everything else, especially for the one left behind who did not choose, still doesn't to end the marriage ie being myself of course.

Sorry this is sooo long, but it is all very complex. And any genuine, thoughtful, caring responses are welcome & appreciated thankyou for your time.

Posted: 5 years ago by Sharon from AUSTRALIA
Answer

Hi Sharon,

Greater self love & understanding of self & others. (Hard when you are hurting deep inside & you feel no one is there for you, yet sometimes it is only from deep pain do we really learn & heal).

Shift your mind & perception from an inward to outer direction. Be of service to yourself through the service to others.

Be around good support who value you as much as you do them. Sometimes it can take only one good person to lift you up.

Be kind to yourself and understand it will take some time. Change or do something different every day.

Ensure you give something unconditional every day.

Watch the movie "Pay it Forward".

Start filling your heart up with gratitude - you will be surprised at the difference this makes.

Visit: www.iamsograteful.org

You are certainly blessed having your daughter & a dear little puppy from the sounds of it... truly beautiful.

Cut people off or walk away from those who are toxic!

Keep pushing forward - you are doing great!!

Keep in mind two wonderful quotes:

"We must become the change we want to see in the world." Gandhi

"You do not belong to you, you belong to the universe." Buckminster Fuller

Keep well ;)

Posted: 5 years ago by Michael from Ivanhoe, VIC
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