When to see a Lawyer, if at all?

By Michael Knight

Tuesday 27 January 2009

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If you are about to Separate or already have, and you have children, money and assets, you maybe tempted to involve lawyers out of fear, pain, confusion, ignorance, vengeance, greed and power imbalance reasons, just to name a few.

However, reacting hastily without first thinking clearly is the WRONG approach.

A BETTER approach to avoid a blood bath and heavy losses to your family financially, physically and emotionally in the short term and for years to come, is to give yourself as much time as possible after the shock and news of Separation, before you trot off to see a lawyer or respond to a letter from your ex's lawyer. Six months to a year is not uncommon, giving you time to breath, clear your head, get support and sound advice to make good decisions about what is best for you and your children.

Coming to terms with the pain and upset of a failed marriage or relationship, loss of loved ones and change is no easy feat. It requires a period of readjustment, some initial healing and assessment of your needs and wants, and sourcing of some good support and advice to help you sort through your specific issues.

It is not advisable to deal with lawyers when you are grieving and emotionally distraught. It really can be a recipe for disaster involving lawyers who inherently exacerbate your pain and conflict, depleting your assets and making life a living hell for everyone. The problem is there is no way of distinguishing which are good lawyers who will do a fair thing, and those that lure you into the battle of protracted litigation, even under the guise of MEDIATION. So it's best to avoid ALL lawyer's in the first instance until you understand your situation fully, calmly and rationally.

If you feel you must see a lawyer quickly while you're in a confused and emotional state, get advice ONLY! Do not allow them to ACT for you and commence or respond in court proceedings. Be clear and firm with YOURSELF first on this, and then convey this clearly to them, otherwise this is the start of the battle, as quiet and unassuming as it can be. Once proceedings have commenced and the system has got hold of you, it can become like a roller coaster, where you will find it very difficult to stop and get off when you've had enough. Although, to stop proceedings at any time, it is a simple enough procedure to put in a notice or fill in a form to the respective court to withdraw yourself from the proceedings. However, psychologically it can be very hard for for people to do this, even when they become aware of this fact. So, it's usually best not start the process to begin with.

A proper understanding of lawyers and how to use them is needed before you allow them to ACT for you in any Family Law proceedings, including if you really need them at all. Seek out solid advice from people who have gone down this path first so you know what you can do and what to expect. Perhaps attend one of our groups and learn what you don't know.

Some lawyers employ many tricks and psychology to pull you in, create a battle between you and your ex, and receive a profitable income for doing so, so be warned and careful!

Have you wondered why there are so many Family Lawyers advertising for this work? $$$$

With Love, Peace and Kindness
Michael